LDLW: The Two Men In My Life

Morning everyone! It's Wednesday, and that means another installment of long distance loving Wednesday!! Today, we're going to talk about the two men in my life. And no, I'm not talking about my dad (sorry, Dad) or my dog (yes, he counts too!). I'm talking about Dan and Jesus.

I grew up going to a Lutheran elemetary school and going to church as often as we could. Religion has always been a part of my life, and I'm one of the few kids in my 8th grade confirmation class that still actually go to church and really take it seriously. In high school, I didn't necessarily fall away so much as I just kind of pushed it off until later. Whatever that means. I wasn't hearing it every day, so it kind of became not the most important thing anymore. That didn't mean I believed any less or anything, I just didn't go to church as much anymore. I'm not perfect, I'm a sinner too.

After I graduated high school, I spent that summer spending just about every minute with Dan. But then summer ended, Dan went back to school and I now had to figure out what to do with my life, because I still hadn't figured it out. A few weeks into the new school year (for him) we ended up breaking up, and I kind of lost it. I had been putting off my life, because I didn't know what I wanted from it. So I made Dan my life. I don't want to say it was a mistake, but I shouldn't have done it. I should have been thinking of my future more than I did. So for the next few months I sank into a depression.

I was miserable. I was 18, and working a part time job. Not going to school, not looking for a full time job, just working a part time job. And when I wasn't there, I was moping around the house. I spent my mornings down on the couch watching TV, or sleeping in and laying in bed. And then after work, I spent the rest of my day in my bed. I didn't do anything, and I was so miserable. That's when I started talking to Jesus again. Asking him for help, asking him to give me a push in the right direction to figuring myself out. I spent so much time trying to be what I thought Dan wanted. And about early December, I decided that it doesn't matter what his ideal person is, I need to be who I am. And a lot of prayer got me to that point.

I'm supposed to be me, not someone I'm not. And I really learned that in those months. So I started doing things for me, and ever so slowly I started feeling better. I got a second job, and worked my butt off. All the while keeping God front and center in my life again. After I started doing things for me, starting to get ahead for me, Dan came back into my life. He never really left, but for a long time we hardly talked. A couple texts a week to say hi but that was about it. After I started doing things for myself, he became more and more involved in my life again. And now we're back together.

No, I didn't go to college. I don't want to spend a crap ton of money on something I am not that committed to. I don't know what I would go to college for, and I don't want to end up in debt only to not get a job for what I went to school for. It's harder finding a job, yes, but I'm doing it. I'm working at a credit union now. Ever so slowly I'm learning the balance between my life with Dan and my life for myself. Because if I lose myself again, the same thing will happen. And while I did all of this, I didn't do it alone. God gave me the strength to actually get up and do this. If I hadn't started praying again and finding comfort in his words in the Bible, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Another thing I'm still working on balancing is keeping God in my life again. I need him in my relationship, just as much as I needed him in my life back during my personal great depression. What I'm excited about now is helping Dan to find his way to God, too. Not because I don't want to go to church alone, or because I want to show off how much I know about the Bible (even though playing Bible trivia is super fun for me), but I want to share the awesome support system I have through Him. I want to help him find the same comfort and peace and strength I have through God. Plus, when he asks me questions about this, it also helps me. I've forgotten some things, and I'm going back and relearning a lot of thing I've forgotten about and that only helps.

So I'm sorry this was such a long rambling post, but I hope it's helped to maybe inspire some of you reading this. Always keep God front and center in your life, and he will provide. Go to him with anything - worries, troubles, thanks, anything. He'll always be there for you, and he always has time to listen.

Have a great Wednesday.