Being Plus Sized

All my life, I've grown up with the idea ingrained in my head that being plus sized is a very bad thing. After I hit puberty in 2nd/3rd grade, I became a chubby kid and I never really lost that weight. For a long time I stayed around the same size, but near the end of middle school and into high school I went up a size. 

I panicked, knowing that I was getting closer to the dreaded plus size section of the store. But not quite, I could still shop in the regular women's sizes. Even the juniors sizes for shirts and such. The only problem was the jeans I wore never fit just right. They were either too big in the legs and too tight in the hips, or they fit my legs just right but then I was left with this super huge waist that looked awful. I couldn't find a pair of pants that were just right. Until the day I decided to venture into Torrid. 

I think everyone knows that Wal-Mart, Target, Goodwill, and other places like that has awful plus sized clothes. They just don't look appealing at all, and it was drilled into my head that I should be disgusted with myself if I ever needed to get those types of pants. 

I walked into Torrid expecting the worst. I went in there hating myself for even considering shopping at a plus size store. But when I tried that first pair of jeans on in the dressing room, holy crap did my opinion change. For the first time in forever, I was wearing a pair of jeans that fit me perfectly. They fit my legs, they fit my hips, and they even made my butt look good! The next pair of jeans I tried on had the same effect, and then I started to have a change of mind. 

I had learned to hate plus sized clothing. I thought that if you had to wear plus sized clothing you were a disgusting person and you needed to lose weight. That's not the case. Very far from it. I don't need a size tag on my clothes to tell me anything. All it means is that I need to shop for that size. It doesn't define who I am, it doesn't tell me that I'm ugly or a terrible person. 

And you know what the most important thing I discovered is? I like being plus sized. I really do. Just because I have a few extra pounds on me doesn't mean I'm not a human being. There are so many plus sized people out there who are stunning and gorgeous and how am I any different from them? Torrid has really fricking adorable clothes and I love shopping there. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid to shop for clothes that actually fit me. I have plenty of clothes that don't fit me that I wore because it was highest size I could go before I got to plus size. I put them on now, and they are so uncomfortable. Now that I know how absolutely wonderful it is to have clothes that fit me, that flatter my body and make me look good, I know I'm not going back. 

Being plus sized doesn't mean a damn thing unless you tell yourself it does. And that's the one thing I'm still working on overcoming. I have to tell myself daily that it doesn't matter what size I am. After spending so many years believing that being fat was the worst thing a person could be, I have a lot of work to do. Day by day I'm overcoming that way of thinking, and embracing the person I am. Do I want to lose weight? Of course, I think everyone can think of a few pounds they'd like to lose. But I want to focus more on being healthy. I would rather lead a healthy life, and if I happen to lose weight because of that, that's great. But I'm not going to obsess over it like I have been. 

Another thing that has been weighing on my mind lately is that it really sucks that for some people, they have conditions for being friends with/loving someone. If you're so shallow that all you can see when you look at me is the fat on my body, then I want you to pack your bags and leave. If you can't love me as a plus sized girl, I don't want you around. I want to be enough for people. I don't want other people telling me what I should and shouldn't do. 

"You should go work out!" Why? Why should I work out? Is there a reason? Oh, because I should lose weight? Suck it. 

"You shouldn't eat that, it's bad for you." Oh, but you can eat it? It's just as bad for you as it is for me. What's the difference if I eat it vs. you eating it? 

So, to sum this whole big long post up, the whole message I was getting at today is this:

I am plus sized, and I am okay with that. If you can't handle that, or can't accept that fact, I don't want you around in my life. I do not live to please you, I live to please myself.

P.S. Plus sized people are more fun to snuggle with. We're like a huge warm pillow that hugs back. And I have big boobs, so I'll never have to spend a crapton of money getting a boob job. Hah, take that!

Graze

This adventure started when I signed up for the Disney Movie Club. I got my first bunch of movies, and they sent me all of these coupons and codes for some free stuff. Graze was one of them. I had no idea what this was, so I checked it out. 

Basically, you can pick how often this company sends you a little graze box. There's a million different options, and each time you get something new to try. 

I've had some good things, and some not so good things. And the beauty of this is that you can go to their website and customize what they send you. You can pick the option to have a particular item not sent anymore, or sent all the time. 

It's all healthy snacks, too. All of the snacks that Graze offers are packed with a bunch of good stuff for you. Protein, whole oats, fiber, vitamins and minerals, the whole deal. If anything, it's a fun little thing to get in the mail, and you get to eat it! I mean, how much better can it get? 

And now I have a little treat for you! Because everybody loves treats :) If you want to check out all of the great stuff Graze has to offer, but don't know if you want to start paying for these boxes, I can get you one box for absolutely free! Honest to goodness free. How do you do that, do you ask? It's simple: Just click right here! Go ahead, click it. You know you want to! :)

TIOT: The "I Need Reminding" Edition

I was starting to give up. Eating healthy is expensive, I don't have time to go to the gym right now. Why can't this whole weight loss thing wait until I'm ready for it? That's what was going through my head the last few days, until I read Ally's blog this morning.

If I keep telling myself I need to wait for my life to settle down before I really start doing this, it's never going to happen. Life doesn't stop, and it's not going to slow down. I can put off buying a new car, but I can't put this off. It's not something to do once and then be done with it, losing weight is a lifestyle change. And that's something I keep forgetting. It's going to take time, and it's going to take a lot of effort. And as much as I've been writing about not making excuses, I've certainly been making a lot of them recently.

Guys, I love food. I love eating, and I love awesome food. My favorite thing in the world is a nice juicy cheeseburger and fries. And I know that I have to change that. Not to say I won't indulge a little every once in a while, but I need to change my mind before I can start changing my body. That's the thing I need to work on most. I covered this last time, but there is a huge mental part of weight loss, and I'm not there yet. I start thinking about what I will look like one day, and that usually gets me through my workouts. But I need to keep that skinny version of me in my head all the time.

I discovered something about myself this past weekend, and it really kind of got me down. I think a big reason why I want to lose weight is because other people want me to. Whenever I go to my grandparents, I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm constantly checking the mirror, making sure I'm sucking in my stomach enough. They constantly monitor what I eat and they make nasty comments if they don't like what I'm eating. My grandma has something against me eating chips. Chips are my favorite snack food. That has to change, I know, but goodness. I'm always concerned with what other people say to me when I eat these foods. Or if I decide to sit down instead of go run around outside with my sisters.

I need to do this for me, because that's the only reason it's going to work. I need to stop thinking about what other people think, and do this for myself. So I'm going to do what Ally did, and I'm going to make a list of reasons why I want to lose weight. Not for other people, but for myself.

TIOT: Inspiration and Motivation

Happy Tuesday! It's time for the weekly fitness check in. We're not going to talk about what happened when I stepped on the scale, because it's depressing and we're just not going to go there. Okay? Okay.

(I just want you all to know, this is my first scheduled post :O I couldn't wait until Tuesday to write this)

 

On Sunday, I started going through clothes to see what I wanted to keep and get rid of, and it kind of took a bad direction. I was trying things on, and noticing that some things I had worn last summer really didn't fit me now. So out of curiosity, I stepped on the scale two days early. After my self esteem took a nose dive, I gave up on finishing my cleaning project and opted to hang out on Pinterest pinning all sorts of fitness stuff. Even though cleaning my room would have been more of a workout than pinning stuff. I never said I was perfect.

Later that night, after I had settled in bed for the night, I was browsing Facebook on my phone when I came across this video that I had seen a while back, but had forgotten about. I really  believe that after the mood I had sunk into, this video came across my news feed for a reason. I started crying like a minute in, because what this guy has to say really has an impact on me and I hope that it helps some of you guys too who are also struggling with this journey.



 

If you guys are anything like me, grab some tissues.

 

 

 

 

I hope you guys take the 5 minutes to watch this, because it's so very worth it. I woke up feeling better about myself, more determined to make this fitness thing happen and I don't want to give up. If Arthur can do it, in his condition, I can certainly do it too.

I'm thinking about the dedication and commitment he must have had, and it's amazing. Looking at myself, I honestly don't think I could have kept with it. I probably would have given up and just suffered through life. And that's something I have to work on, the mental stength to be dedicated to something so much that you don't give up. Everyone talks about the physical strength involved in weight loss, but there's so much more mental strength that you need as well.

 

I hope this video helped, because it really helped me. Have a good Tuesday everyone!

Tough It Out Tuesday - I Have A New Plan

Goooood morning darlings! Happy Tuesday! So, after a rough self esteem night because I'm not losing fast enough, my dad had to step in and get my head back down from the clouds. (Thanks, Dad, you rock!) I was upset because I wasn't losing anything, plus I'm PMSing like it ain't no body's business, so I'm all bloated and blehhh. Really, how much does that suck? Being a woman is just awesome sometimes. I digress.

So I've started tracking my calories, using the MyFitnessPal app on my phone and it's going fairly well, actually. It measured out how many calories I should eat a day based on my weight and height, so I'm on a bit of a schedule now. Aaaand I did my weekly weigh in and I've lost a pound! And hopefully this one will stay off because I lost one a while ago and then it came back. But if I keep tracking my calories, I should be losing a pound a week. So that, mixed with working out, hopefully there will be results. 

I had to keep reminding myself that it takes a while to see results, and I still haven't measured myself yet. I need to find a bloody tape measure. But all in due time, first I'm trying to get on a regular schedule and stick with it. A work out schedule, that is. I was supposed to do triceps and chest yesterday, and I ended up doing a half hour on the arc trainer instead. So my legs feel great, but my arms are sad that they don't feel great too. So really I just wanted to talk about tracking my calories today, and that I've lost a pound so far. I don't have much else to give to you guys, my motivation comes and goes, and I'm continuously working towards my commitment to this. I'll get there guys, it just takes time. Patience has never been a friend of mine, you can ask my boyfriend that. 

 

 

Starting: 238

Current: 237

Goal: 135

Pounds Lost: 1

Pounds to go: 102

Help!

Hiya everyone. It's Tuesday, which means I get to talk about my weight loss progress and inspire everyone else. Well, that's not going to happen today. The second part, that is. I'm the one that needs a little inspiration today.

I've decided I'm only going to weigh myself on Tuesday mornings, before I make this post. And the result this morning was not good. I haven't lost ANYTHING. I made it to the gym everyday last week, I did a bunch of housework yesterday that got me feeling good. And nothing. Granted, I still haven't gotten around to measuring myself, because I'm hoping that I'm at least losing there. My legs do look different to me, they look a little smaller. As I'm sitting here now looking down at them, they look tighter and they feel pretty firm. The other day my sister had her head on my leg and she was upset because it wasn't as "squishy" as it used to be. Which is good, that means something is happening. But I was hoping to have lost actual pounds.

Am I doing something wrong? I don't eat a super strict and healthy diet, but I do watch what I eat and try to keep my portions in control. I workout for a good amount of time, I go until I burn. I'm supposed to lose about 5 pounds in the first week and then 1-2 every week after that. Going off of what I know about Weight Watchers and other research I've done. But that hasn't happened.

The only thing I really splurge on is a drink from Starbucks on Tuesday mornings because I have an hour and a half before I have to be to work after I drop my sisters off, and I live too far away to go back home.

For the most part, working out makes me feel better about myself. I know I don't look drastically different yet,  but I feel genuinely good about myself. Until I step on the scale. Maybe I am losing inches, I just don't know it because I haven't gotten around to doing that. Does anyone have any suggestions? I could sure use some. Or just encouraging words. That would be awesome too.

Here's hoping we all have a great Tuesday!

A (Delayed) Tough It Out Tuesday

A rough start to my week guys. Horrible, actually, and I'm not too pleased with myself. But everyone falls, it's whether or not you pick yourself back up that counts.

 

So this week I'm going to try something new. I've been struggling to put a schedule together for going to the gym, and I haven't been able to figure it out. Plus, I keep screwing up. Here's what I learned over the past two days:

 

1. I can't go home with the intent of going to the gym later that day. Before I do anything else, I have to go to the gym. Or I won't go at all.

 

2. Have meals planned. Because then things like yesterday happen where I had Starbucks and a donut for breakfast, Burger King for lunch and McDonald's for dinner. Not. Good.

 

Other than that, I still worked out yesterday. It was a proclaimed leg day, so today I guess I should do arms and stuff.

 

But what I really wanted to mention today was that I found something this morning that might help me. Well, I didn't really find it, my co-worker did. But I'm so very glad she emailed me the link. You can find the website here. The guy's name is Jay, and he breaks everything down so wonderfully I think I just have to follow his advice. I've spent the past three hours reading different blog posts and figuring out just what I have to do to get this weight loss thing right.

 

It's a very simple workout. Not even that, the whole basis of his thing is that it's really just a lifestyle change with some math involved. I know, I don't like math either. But this is simple math! But if anyone out there is looking for help and want the "easy fix" to losing weight, start here. From there, he has links posted that will take you to so many other posts it's not even funny. And the best part is, this guy is funny and sarcastic. And he calls people idiots a lot.

 

So I'm going to try and follow this general guide, because from what I've seen and the comments I've read, it works. And when you read it and go through it all, it's really the most simplest thing in the world. The hardest part is sticking to it.

 

Oh, and for the record, you know that pound I was so excited about losing? Yeah, we're not going to post the current weight right now because it went the wrong direction. Maybe next week. I'm just too embarrassed right now.

 

 

Excuses

Happy Tuesday everyone! I am happy to report that I did work out yesterday! And I'm planning on going again after work today! I haven't weighed myself lately, or measured myself. Which is something I really need to do before I continue on this journey because I want to see the inches dropping along with the pounds. When I lost weight before, I didn't lose weight so much as I lost inches. I was gaining muscle, which was keeping the scale around the same area. I also need to take some pictures. But that's not what I wanted to talk about today. I was reading Allie's post this morning, and it got me thinking about myself and my own weight loss journey. 

I make too many excuses. And then I go and make excuses about making excuses! I need to start being honest with myself, as well as others. Because if I keep making excuses, nothing will get accomplished. In the end, whether I lose weight or not is completely dependent on myself. It won't be anyone's fault but my own. If I want to change, I can't rely on anyone else but myself. It's good to have outside motivation, but in the end, that won't make me thin. 

So today, I am going to make a promise to myself to stop giving excuses for not working out. Or for eating crappy food. I'm going to start being honest with myself and with everyone around me. If I want this bad enough, I have to do it. No excuses.

P.S. If you guys didn't know, today the best movie ever was released on DVD!! So if you haven't already, get your buns out there and buy it!! 

Not Too Comfortable Doing This

But it is time for me to post my weight goals. And to do that, I have to post up what I currently weigh. And I really don't want to, because I'm embarrassed by it. But at the same time, I'm making a lifestyle change, so these numbers should slowly but surely be changing. Right? Right.

Here goes nothing.

As uncomfortable as I am posting this stuff because of my own insecurities, I'm really glad that Allie does this every week. It only helps with motivation. And Lord knows I need all that I can get. 

Current Weight: 237lbs

Goal Weight: 135lbs

Pounds to Lose: 102lbs

I had originally thought that I had only gained ten pounds since starting my new job, but I also hadn't weighed myself in a while, and once I did the other day I realized that I had actually put on twenty pounds. So that only fueled my fire more and I'm starting to push myself into this healthy way of living. I'm trying to eat better, while not being a total health nut. But I'm paying more attention to food labels and such. 

And so I shall leave you with that. Have a great night and see y'all tomorrow for LDLW!

I'm Committed

I was racking my brain all day trying to think of something to post up here today. And then I actually decided to check my feed and the other blogs I follow and I found this awesome link up that could be an awesome inspiration to me. Linkin' up with Allie from Tales of a Twenty Something!

Last week I told myself I was going to lose weight, and actually do it this time. Dan has been my absolute best supporter and without him I don't think I would be able to do this. It's only been a week, but I already feel better. About myself and what I look like. 

I've been wanting to go every day, but sometimes things get in the way. And I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay, but I'm having a hard time believing it. For example, today I didn't have much time to work out. I still went to the gym, though. Because otherwise I would have felt terrible. So Dan challenged me to see how fast I can run a mile. I ended up being about 9 minutes and 45 seconds. And for me, that's awesome! In grade school, it used to take me almost 16 minutes to get that mile in. And when I am able to spend time at the gym, I run for 30 minutes and usually get to about 2.5 miles. Which averages about 12 minutes a mile. Still not bad. But today, I shaved 2 minutes off of that time! It felt awesome!

After that, I went in for the 12 minute body enhancement session and I really cannot wait to see if this thing works or not. This was only my second time using it, so we'll see. What I really should do it post some pictures. The before pictures that everyone hates posting up. But it could be a push - I'm going to hate that people can see them, so that will only make me want to lose it faster. Right?! I think so.

I'm aiming to lose 10 pounds by the 17th next month - that's when I'm going to visit Dan for his birthday. I want to get back to the weight I had been when I started at my latest job. That's my first goal. And then from there, I want to keep going little by little until I get to where I want to be.

Hope you are all having a great Tuesday!

 

Fitness Thoughts

So I'm really super excited after last night. Last year, around October I think, I joined at Planet Fitness and I kind of went on and off because it wasn't in the most convienient of locations for me. But recently they just built a new location right by my work so I've been going a lot more than I was.

I just had the general $10 a month thing where you just workout and that's it. But last night, I met up with my mom and her two friends to work out and they all went and upgraded to the special "black card" membership. Because it's only an extra $10 a month, I upgraded with them and I am sooo pumped now!

We only really worked out for about a half hour, and then spent around 2 hours checking out all of the awesome other stuff that they offer to black card people.

So as a black card member I can now bring a guest with me, which is going to be awesome for when Dan comes to visit because we've been talking about how we want to be that cool fitness couple that hangs out at the gym, and I can now go to any PF location around the country to work out. I can use the tanning beds, and the relaxation area. That's awesome, they have these massage chairs that are heavenly and this awesome hydromassage bed thing that is.. ohhh man so heavenly! It looks like this:

And all you have to do is lay there. Then these water jet things go up and down your body and massage everything and I nearly fell asleep. It was wonderful!

This is my favorite part. Aside from the tanning beds, they have this little beauty here:

It's called the total body enhancement, and I plan on taking full advantage of this. So instead of UV light like a tanning bed has, this has a red light, kind of like a heat lamp. You stand inside, the light comes on and the floor starts vibrating with whatever setting you pick. It can relax your muscles, or it can actually give your muscles a work out. So all of this combined helps with getting rid of cellulite, acne, stretch marks, and wrinkles! It's a natural lifter for your skin, so I won't have to worry about getting botox. (that was a joke) And overall, it's just good for your skin. I felt pretty awesome after I finished, and I only did the short beginner one.

And you can choose what you want to expose. If you only want to work on your face, you don't have to undress. Or if you feel like going commando to get everything, that's cool too! I'm so in love and super excited for the next time I can use it!

So that's my little spiel for today. If you guys are looking for an awesome place to workout with awesome perks, check out Planet Fitness. I have never had a problem and I'm excited to keep working out there!

Have a fantastic Thursday!